You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
