She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
