if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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