I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
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We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
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We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I want to be your penis for a week.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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