i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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