He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
But we have bathrooms and they dont
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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