so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We are two peas in an std pod
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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