then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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