dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
