I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Im part way to drunk.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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