sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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