dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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