'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
