Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
