note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
