Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
