In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
