yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
