also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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