she was so not down for the gang bang
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
