in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
