I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
