That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
you had me at cake vodka
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
