i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
