See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
