ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
