The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
