i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I think my moral compass just broke
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
