I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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