When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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