So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
