Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
