If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
