is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
