All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
