shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
