You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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