i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
