Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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