He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
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