She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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