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WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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