Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
