did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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