my phone needs a breathalizer
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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