I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
