but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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