does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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