: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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