glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just had sex on a roof
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
