omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
