So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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