dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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