I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i think my cat just said my name.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
