is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
