You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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