I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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