My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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