Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
