the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i may or may not be watching the land before time
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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