im having a threesome with these popsicles
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
