conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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