i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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