Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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