I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
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