the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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